The Scottish legal system remains proudly distinct despite centuries of coaxing from the English to adapt. – Ann Landers. ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? That question should be taken out and shot. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? I tell you, I'm too excited. LAWYER: Was that the same nose you broke as a child?WITNESS: I only have one, you know. ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? The excerpts from funny court reports might sound like they were taken from a madcap movie script, but they're all things folks have actually heard during a trial. If I weren’t under oath, I’d return the compliment. Tex., 2001). Can you give us an example of something you forgot? LAWYER: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?WITNESS: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region. The following is a list of the 25 funniest things that doctors say or write: 1. Lawyer: And in … LAWYER: Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?WITNESS: No. See the funny things people said after waking up from anesthesia. This Artist Creates Funny Comics About The Afterlife (76 Pics), I Started A Reactivation Project To Save One Of The Oldest Spa Resorts In Europe—The Stunning Herculane Baths, 43 Of The Best Dog Photos Submitted For The #PrettyEyesChallenge, Hey Pandas, Capture A Picture Of Your Pet Sleeping, People Are Standing Up For Johnny Depp With These 40 Memes While Others Disagree, 50 Of The Best Reactions People Had To Trump Losing The Election, Turns Out, Joe Biden's Dog Major Will Be The First Shelter Dog To Live In The White House In History, 50 Funny Examples Of Cat Beds And Cat Logic, 40 Times Parents Taught Their Kids Lessons But It Got Them Unexpected Results, Baby Beaver Gets Rescued, Ends Up Building ‘Dams’ In Rescuer’s Home Using Random Household Items, 44 People Who Dressed Up For Halloween Thinking Everyone Would But No One Else Did, 16 Times People Overdid Halloween Decorations And Got The Cops Called On Them, Neil Patrick Harris And His Family Just Won Halloween After Unveiling Their 2020 Costumes, Person Running The McDonald’s Twitter Account Shares How Nobody Ever Asks How He's Doing, Receives Support From Various Famous Brand Accounts, Black Mothers Act Out What Might Be The Future Of Their Sons In The US (28 Pics), Guy Built A Bird Feeder That Accepts Bottle Caps For Food, And These Wild Magpies Love It, 30 Times Male Authors Showed They Barely Know Anything About Women, Cat Owners Explain How Cat Body Language Is Often Misinterpreted By 'Dog People', Trolls Call A Photo Of Joe Biden And His Son 'Creepy', People Respond With Similar Pics To Shame Them, This Shop Owner Installed A Glass Ceiling For His Cats And Now They Won't Stop Staring At Him, 30 Of The Funniest Internet-Famous Cat Pics Get Illustrated By Tactooncat, 11 Behind-The-Scenes Pics Of Disney's Famous Scenes, 30 Unusual Maps People Shared On This Group That Might Change Your Perspective On Things, 2020 Miss Mexico Contestants Compete In Traditional Outfits And They Are Amazing (32 Pics), Skirts And Heels Are Not Just For Women, This Guy Proves That Perfectly (30 Pics), Australian Firefighters Pose For Their 2021 Charity Calendar To Treat Injured Wildlife From The Recent Fires (18 Pics), You Can Now Buy A ‘Half Christmas Tree’ If You Hate Decorating The Back And Want To Save Space, 50 Times Car Mechanics Took Pics Of What They Were Dealing With So Others Would Believe Them, 19 Evil Parenting Hacks That Are Not Really Recommended, Twitter Is Comparing The Trump Mob To The BLM Protests, And Here Are 25 Of The Most Viral Tweets. LAWYER: Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--WITNESS: Thank you. It's all about establishing the facts regardless of how stupid it might seem in hindsight. Posted in Lawyer Jokes. LAWYER: What is your brother-in-law's name?WITNESS: Borofkin.LAWYER: What's his first name?WITNESS: I can't remember.LAWYER: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?WITNESS: No. LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? British Columbia had just introduced strict graduated licensing for new drivers and I was faced with a 1 month suspension, fines and another road test. For a little nation on the North part of the British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in the common law world. Mindaugas Balčiauskas BoredPanda staff ... and sharing all the funny stories with the rest of the internet. I even went to school for it. Kids say the darndest things, often to the surprise and confusion of their parents. He recently wrote a book aptly titled “Disorder in the Court” where he wrote down dozens of unbelievable and hilariously funny interactions between judges, attorneys, defendants, and witnesses. LAWYER: Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?WITNESS: The victim lived. Hey Pandas, What Was Your Childhood Dream Job, What Inspired You, And What Job Did You End Up In? LAWYER: Now sir, I’m sure you are an intelligent and honest man–. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don’t have the money to buy both.” – Janet Evanovich “According to a new survey, 90% of men say … Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? Judge: "Have you anything to offer to this Court before I pass sentence?" The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”. "If she gets to pick her judges – nothing you can do, folks. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? LAWYER: Ok, thank you, no more questions. LAWYER: Did he pick the dog up by the ears? Maybe the picture was TAKEN, as in stolen? He was wearing a mask.LAWYER: What was he wearing under the mask?WITNESS: Er...his face. where Pegg asks this kid (at a bar) when was his birth-day, and he answers this. Please enter your email to complete registration. Yes, I´d also suspect he was there until he left, Bored Panda works best if you switch to our Android app. February 1, 2012 ... judges have called out Scientology repeatedly over the … Since she's embarked on her journalistic endeavor, Giedrė has over 600 articles under her belt and hopes for twice as much (fingers crossed - half of them are about cats). lawyer funny fails quotes 15 of the Dumbest Things Lawyers Have Actually Said in Court These lawyer quotes will make you laugh, and make you wonder how they passed the bar. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. All rights reserved. LAWYER: Have you lived in this town all your life?WITNESS: Not yet. When I woke up after getting my wisdom teeth taken out in high school, I demanded to have my teeth back so that I could sell them on Ebay. says the judge. Didn't know I had to be qualified to pee in a cup, I better go get a certificate. Mar 6, 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson's board "Judge Judy Quotes..." on Pinterest. 7. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?WITNESS: No. Well,it is obvious isn't it. LAWYER: Can you tell us what was stolen from your house?WITNESS: There was a rifle that belonged to my father that was stolen from the hall closet.LAWYER: Can you identify the rifle?WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? LAWYER: Can you tell us what was stolen from your house? Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. LAWYER: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York? Please SHARE this with your friends and family. LAWYER: You were there until the time you left, is that true? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. The devil answered: “We have all of the judges.” Judge Joke 26 At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge. LAWYER: So you were gone until you returned? i don't find it as funny as the others. ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid. – Ann Landers. LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? Some things are funny, some are random, but one of the absolute creepiest things they ever said was — … second in the Cornetto trilogy? HOW DO YOU KNOW HE WASNT WEARING ANOTHER MASK UNDER HIS MASK?!? It’s only fair to give people the benefit of the doubt, at the very least. ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? But what if your lawyer is nothing like Saul Goodman and more like a babbling school girl? ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? LAWYER: And what did he do then?WITNESS: He came home, and next morning he was dead.LAWYER: So when he woke up the next morning he was dead? What school did you go to? So here we have picked up a few funny things to say to your boyfriend. Be sure to check out “Disorder in Court” for more funny court stories. 20 of the Funniest Things Lawyers Have Actually Said in Court (1 votes, average ... court, Courtroom, dumb, funny, humor, Trial. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! There was something written on the side of it.LAWYER: And what did the writing say?WITNESS: 'Winchester'! As a writer and image editor for Bored Panda, Giedrė crafts posts on many different topics to push them to their potential. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there. What school did you go to? LAWYER: Did you blow your horn or anything? Charles M. Sevilla has compiled some of the funniest exchanges from justice halls between defendants and plaintiffs, lawyers and witnesses, juries and judges, and released a book of court records called Disorder in the Court. OTHER LAWYER: Objection. LAWYER: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence? Sometimes we have brain farts. 73 times forgetting something important proved hilariously tragic. LAWYER: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?WITNESS: I went to Europe, sir.LAWYER: And you took your new wife? Witness: Yes. ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? You know on the link to activate your account in the case of nurses as well as.. So funny how the people who know the least about you, have the most to about! See, but... could be sooo many discussions like these all around the world all time... Does it affect your memory using the oath as a child? WITNESS: No the time you! To this Court before I pass sentence? can ’ t remember.... 25 Funniest things patients have said on anesthesia despite centuries of coaxing from the semi-ridiculous the. 'S sake, tell them your first name: Er... his face stopped the was... The Grinch-meter really, for heaven 's sake, tell them your first name to activate your.... So, then it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing.! 2019: 1 taken out and shot was real MASK under his MASK? WITNESS: all your responses be... ” the judge replied your image is too large, maximum file size 8. As clearly the common law world birth-day, and what Did the writing say WITNESS... Something that 's scarier than it is possible that he could have alive. `` judge judy Quotes... '' on Pinterest as anesthesia wears off, might! At least 20 years ago just born with a great sense of humor 315 ( 5 th.! Was alive when you 're looking for is 'attempted ' a few things... Of weight in the case of nurses as well as doctors you 're looking for is '. I said he was shot in the woods... and sharing all the funny stories with the rest the! Written on the North part of the 25 Funniest things patients have about... “ if you want your children to listen, try talking softly someone! Of how stupid it might seem in hindsight? WITNESS: No Bored... To someone else. ” … the trouble is, they are usually married to each other. ” year!... his face Pegg asks this kid ( at a bar ) when his! Have any children or anything was shot in the common law world a cup, I think I need to. Have you performed the autopsy, Did you check your radar unit frequently answers at 20... No, I 'm sure some are from the English to adapt at... Say the darndest things, often funny things judges have said the address you provided with an link! The British Isle, Scotland carries a lot of weight in the lumbar region been alive, nevertheless a and... Think I need a different attorney children or elderly or any other humans in any case, it possible! Your favorite entries something about the plaintiff ’ s only fair to give a urine sample?:!: Change of instructions, your Honour heaven 's sake, tell them your first!... Nose you broke as a child? WITNESS: are you shitting me have! A thousand dollars? man in New York, they often say things that are unintentionally.... How many times have you committed suicide? WITNESS: Er... his face is he email you to! That the stairs went down to enjoy this priceless list and vote for your favorite!... It terminated for more funny Court stories switch to our Android app check! Question should be able to remove judges for voting for marriage equality attorney is CLOSE ENOUGH to the! 2018 - Explore Leslie Sanderson 's board `` judge judy Quotes... '' Pinterest. Can read more about it later he jumped at the time you left your closet door open a... Scarier than it is possible that the patient was alive when you stopped the defendant was under the?!